Messing With People

Hey guys, I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday because I was out all day and didn’t even get home until around 5am…

I was spending the day with one of my longest and closest friends since we haven’t seen each other in ages; he wanted to spoil me to “make up for lost time”, as he put it, so we went on a “fake date”. That’s just a term I made up – basically people would see us and think we were on a date because we did stuff couples would do (go to the movies, have a meal out, walk around in the dark, etc) but in reality we’re best friends.

The fun thing we liked to do though is if people asked us about it, we wouldn’t deny anything so they’d think it was real. We even did it to our friendship group (by accident) and they all genuinely thought we were together! It was really funny, I’m not gonna lie to you. Unbeknown to anyone – apart from said best friend – I already have a S/O, whom also found it hysterical to watch.

It can’t possibly just be us who find things like that funny? Messing with people – in a not-being-cruel, we-aren’t-hurting-anyone kind of way, I mean. For instance, I understand pranks and things are meant to be funny, but there’s a line that if crossed could mean that people get hurt (not always physically) which is really not okay to me. But in this case the only thing it could have hurt is our reputation, not that we have much of one anyway, and our friends pull stuff like this all the time so we knew they wouldn’t be offended.

It was just fun to see what their reaction was to something like that! We can’t be the only ones?

Have a wonderful day everyone!

~FoxQueen

Heartache

Hey everyone.

It’s 5:30am here and once again I can’t sleep. It’s my fault this time, I was talking to an old friend of mine from school a few hours ago and we got all nostalgic; decided it would be a great idea to find some old pictures and reminisce. How wrong we were.

Yes, at the start it was fun – finding silly photos of us at school and screenshots of conversations of us being stupid, it was a good laugh. Until it wasn’t. See, looking at old pictures is all well and good but it’s both a blessing and a curse. It helps remind you of memories that were long forgotten, good times with friends and family and all that, yeah. But at the same time you find pictures of those who you don’t want to remember. Of people who hurt you. Of times that you don’t want to recall. Screenshots of conversations you wish you never had.

My friend? Found pictures of her old best friend before they had a major falling out and no longer spoke to one another, as well as pictures of a dear relative of hers who has sadly passed away. She was in tears before she went to sleep tonight.

As for me, well… Not only did I also find pictures of a very close relative who has passed, but also pictures of people I once loved who betrayed me. Screenshots of conversations I had with people I cared about who ended up leaving, or fights I had with people. I no longer recall why I saved them in the first place but there they were. Some of the people in those photos I thought would always be by my side no matter what. And they all left. Even my first love, whom was my best friend long before and after we got together; he walked out of my life a few nights ago, saying things that hurt me quite badly. I don’t want to remember him. At all. Because stuff like that hurts too much. And that doesn’t just apply to him, it’s all of them. Every single one of the people in those pictures or videos or screenshots is no longer here, in one way or another, and it’s hard for me to think about them.

As happy as I am that I did find a couple of good memories hidden in the masses of bad ones, the heartache I am currently experiencing is far from worth it. Some treasured photos I thought I had lost for good were found, finally, however that was the only good thing to come from this.

I hope everyone else had a much better night than I.

~FoxQueen

In All Seriousness

Hey guys, this post is going to be a lot more serious than the other stuff I usually ramble on about; it’ll tell you a lot about me, I think.

I had a really bad night last night. And not like an “Oh I couldn’t get to sleep, it was awful” kind of thing, because I don’t sleep. Not very often anyway; I have insomnia (which should also explain why I sometimes post at around 3 or 4am most nights). Thing is, I’ve been suffering with lack of sleep for a number of years now, and I’ve done absolutely nothing about it because I don’t always feel the effects anymore. I’m constantly tired, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so normal to me that it doesn’t feel like it shouldn’t be happening, if that makes any sense? I’ve managed to go at least a week with no sleep at all, and I would not recommend doing it, because it seriously affected my health. The only way I can usually get to sleep is if I exhaust myself so much that I physically can’t keep my eyes open any longer. And it’s not a good way to live.

What makes it worse unfortunately, is if I have a bad night, like last night. See, I also suffer from depression; have done since about 6 or 7 years ago. Now, I know a lot of people use that term lightly but believe me, I don’t. I won’t go into my life story because I doubt you’d want to hear it, however I will tell you that I’ve gone through some really horrible stuff in my life, but I am far from the worst out there. I have so much empathy for anyone else who suffers too, and I want to say that I will be there for anyone who just needs someone to talk to about this stuff or advice on how to help or anything like that – I will do what I can, that is a promise.

I’m much better than I was – much – but it still hits me hard. I did a lot of bad things in order to cope with it and I’m not proud of it at all, and yes at times I get so bad I think I’ll slip back into old habits. But I have a very good reason not to now, and it’s the only thing keeping me going when I feel like I can’t. Everyone, if you listen to anything I say, please listen to this; find something. Find the one thing that will keep you going and hold onto it with every fibre of your being. Not only will that reason keep you moving but it will also keep you motivated and determined to do better – even if you don’t suffer and are just having a bad day. Just keep going. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and all that (Yeah, I’m not good at the whole inspirational thing, sorry).

Sorry for the deep post it’s just something I felt I needed to share. And like I said, I’m always here if anyone needs someone. Have a wonderful day everyone, keep smiling.

~FoxQueen

Appreciation and Good News

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all having a good day!

I just wanted to say thankyou to those who have liked or commented on my recent posts, you guys are the ones who encouraged me to start going for the things I want and not just doing what I’ve been told. I’m finally feeling optimistic about my life which is something I haven’t felt in a while, and it’s mostly thanks to you. I honestly appreciate your support so much and I hope I can make you guys proud…

Moving away from the soppy stuff now. I know I probably go on about it way too much and you guys are probably sick of hearing this but, I am determined to leave my crappy job and find a good part-time one within the next few weeks. It will happen. I will make it happen. Well, with the help of a couple of my friends (Yes, I have friends. I know, its shocking). I have very few that I consider to be close friends, but I treasure them with every cell in my body because they’re always there for me – no matter how much we get on each others’ nerves!

In other news, I have been informed that both of my parents are now fully on board with me doing this! As long as I keep earning with the part-time job they are A-okay with me doing what I love. You simply can’t comprehend how happy that news made me! Now all I need to do is have enough money for Christmas presents, petrol, rent – not to mention saving up for a good camera which I still can’t decide on… *Sigh*. It may be a while before my stress levels decrease to be honest but as soon as I get my cute butt out of this job and into a new one, things will look up, I’m certain of it. I am going to stay positive for as long as I can, which may be difficult because I am a total pessimist… Wish me luck?

I hope you guys all had some good news today too; have a wonderful night!

~FoxQueen

First Time For Everything

Hey guys how are you all?

My day started out awful but slowly got better as time went on if I’m honest. I called in sick to work this morning because I have some kind of flu, which sucks because my throat feels like sandpaper. On the bright side however, I managed to get a fair amount of things done today, including putting some stuff online that I need to sell (all money contributing to what I’m now calling my “camera fund”), helping my mother with a few technical things that she couldn’t figure out how to do, and even making a basic plan about my future – something I never thought I’d do because I hate planning.

I also got the guts to tell my mother about how I want to quit my job and start out as a photographer. She didn’t take it too well. She was more concerned about money and how I will survive in the future on such a poor income, rather than my health improving as well as doing something I actually want to do. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to me, I expected it. What I didn’t expect was that, after spending almost an hour editing a few pictures for her (to hang on the wall – they had to be “perfect”), she then praised me and said, and I quote, “You might have a knack for it after all.” I, for one, was shocked.

It made me really happy to know that my mother, who is a rather opinionated person, was actually okay with me doing this. I haven’t spoken to my dad about it yet but he’s usually a lot more supportive anyway. Now all  need to do is find a good part time job that I can work around doing my photography stuff, which is easier said than done, but it’s a step closer.

I do want to run something by you guys though; when I get a proper camera and start doing photography seriously, would you like me to post some of my stuff on here? I know how thrilling my posts must be but I thought I’d ask in case anyone wanted to see if I was any good. I guess we’ll find out when I have enough to get a proper camera! Fingers crossed it’ll be soon, I’m not a particularly patient person (as you might’ve already guessed).

Anyway, thanks for reading again guys and I hope you enjoyed hearing about my sad little life. Have a wonderful day!

~FoxQueen

 

Nostalgia and a Future Possibility

Hey there, me again.

I know what you must be thinking… “Two posts in one night?! This is incredible!” I know, I know. You’re welcome.

[All kidding aside, I am prone to forgetting things so I feel that if I post as and when I feel the need to, I’m less likely to forget that this amazingly dull blog exists *insert smiley face*.]

It’s pretty obvious that I’ve been trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life – mostly career-wise but not entirely – and I actually came across something I wanted to do when I was really little but never thought I could make a living from it, it was more like a cool hobby; photography.

I remember always being outside taking pictures of anything and everything I found pretty or cool or amazing (safe to say, I took a lot of pictures) and even at that age – I think I was around 7 years old – my family thought I was pretty good, even asking me to take pictures at family celebrations and such. Though, of course, they might have been praising me because I was a shy, chubby girl who was actually proud of something and they wanted to boost my self-esteem, but either way! I loved taking my time outside with my (then) new camera; the frost made everything look beautiful, and despite how cold I got I would spend hours just searching and waiting to find the best pictures. I’m not too bad at editing either, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, this isn’t a bragging post; in fact I’m trying to ask you guys for advice (again). Do you think I should go for it and see if I could make something out of it? I still love taking photos – not just scenery but wildlife and people too. I don’t have a professional camera but do you guys recon I should invest in one and try to make a living out of something I love doing? I don’t know what it could lead to in the future but if it means I could leave my current occupation, I vote yes, no question. I will have to stay on at my current job for the time being I guess, just until I get the ball rolling (I’m not even sure how to do that yet but ignore that for now) and earn enough, somehow, to leave. Does anyone know anything that could potentially help me? I’d be forever grateful!

Thanks for reading once again, have a wonderful night!

~FoxQueen

 

Stress

Hello everyone, I do apologise for the small setback in posting, sadly I was away with no internet access over the weekend so, very sorry about that.

Tonight I’m going to be talking to you about stress; mostly because I am suffering rather badly with it. I know stress isn’t something most people would consider dangerous but honestly, it really is. As I’ve mentioned previously, I can’t stand my job. Honestly, there are time when I cry because I know I have work the next morning. What I should also mention is that my job is quite stressful, to the point where I was bedridden for almost a week because I was so ill. Frankly, I’m surprised I haven’t found grey hairs yet (even though I’m still a teenager, it does happen). But my point is, stress is more of a danger than people realise and sometimes it isn’t as easy as just “calming down”.

Right now my stress isn’t just the job itself, however, its finding a new one. My job may pay well to some peoples’ standards (including my mother) but if it means having to put up with what I do, I’d rather be jobless. I know I must sound ungrateful to most people out there, I don’t mean to be, but I was so ill just because I couldn’t handle it that I feel the need to go and find other work. That should speak volumes.

The problem arose, however, is that I no longer want to work in the field that I do because this job has put me right off it. It was only a fluke that I got into this line of work in the first place, it would not have been my first option. Or my second. Or my third… You see where I’m going with this. Unfortunately, I don’t know what else to look for; I don’t have any goals or career aspirations. I’m hopelessly stuck; I have no speciality, no major qualifications because I couldn’t afford to go to university, and I have no idea what sort of skills I have. In a nutshell, I’m useless. But I have got to try because this is not worth it.

If anyone else out there has any advice or tips they could give me, you have no idea how much I would appreciate it because I am desperate. I hoped to be out of there by Christmas and so far the odds are not in my favour… I search different sites looking for jobs each night – sometimes even when I’m on a break at work I look for some on my phone – I’ve taken online carer tests to see what I’d be good at, etc, and I’m clueless as to what else I can do. I’m 19 and I feel like my life is already over.

Sorry for the depressing ending I’ve just lost hope if I’m honest with you…

I hope you guys had a wonderful day.

~FoxQueen

FYI

Hey guys, how are you all?

I just wanted to say that I won’t be able to post for the next couple of days as I will be away without my laptop…

But don’t worry too much because I’ll probably have plenty of things to post about once I get back!

I wish you all a wonderful few days!

~FoxQueen

Sexism In The Workplace

Hey guys, how are you?

I’m in the middle of my two night shifts at work which means I can’t post when I usually do, so I thought I’d get a post up in the daytime for a change. I really hate night shifts…

I want to talk to you guys about sexism. You all know I’m female, so it can be a big issue for me. I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist, mostly because I haven’t looked into what feminism really is and since they have a poor reputation I’d rather not be involved with something that I don’t know enough about; I just believe that all humans are equal and should therefore have equal rights. Seems fair doesn’t it? Just because some people have different genitalia or skin colour doesn’t make anyone less of a human, right?

Well this little anecdote actually happened to me last night at work. I was sitting at my desk just chatting and one of the warehouse guys, lets call him Ed, came in and started chatting with us too. He’s the kind of guy that lies just to get a response from other people, you know? The only people working in the office last night besides myself was my co-worker, let’s call her Gina, and my supervisor, let’s call him Ricardo. Ed was sitting with me and Gina since we didn’t have much work to do at that point, and started going on about women’s “time of the month” – and everything he was saying was completely wrong. I won’t go into details here but Gina and I could not believe our ears. We tried correcting Ed as much as we could but he was having none of it.

He left soon after that to get some work done, thank goodness, but then after an hour he came back inside, which is when everything kicked off; Ed claimed that he was much smarter than anyone with a “poom-poom” (he was referencing a woman’s genitalia but refused to say it). I won’t lie to you, that did make me rather angry. How can someone make such a ridiculous claim? Did he think that just because we had different sexual organs that we weren’t as intelligent? Yes, that’s exactly what he thought.

Long story short, we had a somewhat heated argument, with an audience (the other warehouse guys came in to see what was going on) and Ed eventually got told to get out by Ricardo. It just made me so annoyed! How can anybody be so arrogant as to think that a persons private parts have any correlation to the level of their intelligence?!

Okay, rant over. But seriously, if anyone has anything to add to this just leave a comment okay? I’m curious to hear other people’s opinions on this.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

~FoxQueen

Have Some Of My Feels

Okay guys, I just want to say that I had a whole post planned for tonight about achievements and setting goals and stuff like that and was going to be really heartwarming; instead I offer you emotions. At least, it gave me emotions so… I’m going to tell you a little story that is completely true – and there is a point to all this I swear.

Imagine a female driving her car late at night, feeling pretty happy with herself for whatever reason and just enjoying the ride. All of a sudden something in the road up ahead caught her eye – rubbish? A bag on the road? As she drove closer she could see it was some kind of animal laying in the middle of the tarmac. Immediately her heart broke for the creature and, without hesitation, did a U-turn at the roundabout which was just up ahead, so that she could pull over and help it. As soon as her car was parked on the side of the road, safely, she leapt out and ran across the dual carriageway (obviously looking out for cars) towards the animal. It turned out to be a fox laying on it’s side. The girl felt so sorry for the fox that she picked it up in her arms like a baby, and raced off the road to the grassy verge where her car was parked. She gently placed the fox down, inspecting its wounds. Tears started to well up in the girls eyes as she realised that the animal had not moved at all, so she checked its pulse and, sure enough, the fox was already dead.

The girl was heartbroken, she wept and wept on the side of the road, shielded from view of other drivers passing by because of her car. The fox looked like it was merely sleeping, but being hit by a car leaves little chance for survival for a fragile animal. She knew that, and yet the tears refused to stop. She couldn’t leave the poor thing in the middle of nowhere, so she once again carried the deceased fox in her arms, over to some trees and bushes; she proceeded to surround it with leaves – similar to what Katniss did for Rue in The Hunger Games – since she couldn’t properly bury it (which she wanted to). Once she was satisfied, she got back into her car, and sobbed. Her eyes were so overused from sobbing that her eyes began to sting and she knew she had to go home. She said a final farewell to the poor fox and went home, only to curl up and cry some more. She will never forget that night.

Now, most people will read that and think, “why is the girl so upset over a dead animal that she had no part in killing?”. Could it be that she felt sorry for it? Perhaps she had never been so close to a dead animal before? Maybe she loved animals and seeing one hurt/dead made her heart physically hurt?

I did say there was a point to this so here it is; just because you may not care about something as much as someone else does not make their feelings about it any less valid. Its like if a football fan was distraught at their favourite team losing a match, but when their friend, a hockey fan, had the same response to their favourite team losing, you can’t just say to them, “Oh well, it’s only hockey” since you aren’t a fan of the sport. The same thing applies for anything. The girl was heartbroken at seeing that poor dead animal just being left in the middle of the road like it was nothing. What if that were a human body? I can imagine there would be a very different response.

Here’s another point that I think you should really consider; don’t take anything for granted okay? Life, as much as it feels like it drags on sometimes, is short. You are older now than you ever have been, but the youngest you will ever be again. Don’t waste your time on things that don’t matter and grasp every opportunity you have when you have it, otherwise you’ll regret it later on. Take risks and make mistakes, life is a lesson so why not learn from it?

Hope you guys have had a wonderful day.

~FoxQueen

P.S. The girl in the story? It was me.