Hey guys, this post is going to be a lot more serious than the other stuff I usually ramble on about; it’ll tell you a lot about me, I think.
I had a really bad night last night. And not like an “Oh I couldn’t get to sleep, it was awful” kind of thing, because I don’t sleep. Not very often anyway; I have insomnia (which should also explain why I sometimes post at around 3 or 4am most nights). Thing is, I’ve been suffering with lack of sleep for a number of years now, and I’ve done absolutely nothing about it because I don’t always feel the effects anymore. I’m constantly tired, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so normal to me that it doesn’t feel like it shouldn’t be happening, if that makes any sense? I’ve managed to go at least a week with no sleep at all, and I would not recommend doing it, because it seriously affected my health. The only way I can usually get to sleep is if I exhaust myself so much that I physically can’t keep my eyes open any longer. And it’s not a good way to live.
What makes it worse unfortunately, is if I have a bad night, like last night. See, I also suffer from depression; have done since about 6 or 7 years ago. Now, I know a lot of people use that term lightly but believe me, I don’t. I won’t go into my life story because I doubt you’d want to hear it, however I will tell you that I’ve gone through some really horrible stuff in my life, but I am far from the worst out there. I have so much empathy for anyone else who suffers too, and I want to say that I will be there for anyone who just needs someone to talk to about this stuff or advice on how to help or anything like that – I will do what I can, that is a promise.
I’m much better than I was – much – but it still hits me hard. I did a lot of bad things in order to cope with it and I’m not proud of it at all, and yes at times I get so bad I think I’ll slip back into old habits. But I have a very good reason not to now, and it’s the only thing keeping me going when I feel like I can’t. Everyone, if you listen to anything I say, please listen to this; find something. Find the one thing that will keep you going and hold onto it with every fibre of your being. Not only will that reason keep you moving but it will also keep you motivated and determined to do better – even if you don’t suffer and are just having a bad day. Just keep going. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and all that (Yeah, I’m not good at the whole inspirational thing, sorry).
Sorry for the deep post it’s just something I felt I needed to share. And like I said, I’m always here if anyone needs someone. Have a wonderful day everyone, keep smiling.