In All Seriousness

Hey guys, this post is going to be a lot more serious than the other stuff I usually ramble on about; it’ll tell you a lot about me, I think.

I had a really bad night last night. And not like an “Oh I couldn’t get to sleep, it was awful” kind of thing, because I don’t sleep. Not very often anyway; I have insomnia (which should also explain why I sometimes post at around 3 or 4am most nights). Thing is, I’ve been suffering with lack of sleep for a number of years now, and I’ve done absolutely nothing about it because I don’t always feel the effects anymore. I’m constantly tired, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so normal to me that it doesn’t feel like it shouldn’t be happening, if that makes any sense? I’ve managed to go at least a week with no sleep at all, and I would not recommend doing it, because it seriously affected my health. The only way I can usually get to sleep is if I exhaust myself so much that I physically can’t keep my eyes open any longer. And it’s not a good way to live.

What makes it worse unfortunately, is if I have a bad night, like last night. See, I also suffer from depression; have done since about 6 or 7 years ago. Now, I know a lot of people use that term lightly but believe me, I don’t. I won’t go into my life story because I doubt you’d want to hear it, however I will tell you that I’ve gone through some really horrible stuff in my life, but I am far from the worst out there. I have so much empathy for anyone else who suffers too, and I want to say that I will be there for anyone who just needs someone to talk to about this stuff or advice on how to help or anything like that – I will do what I can, that is a promise.

I’m much better than I was –Β much – but it still hits me hard. I did a lot of bad things in order to cope with it and I’m not proud of it at all, and yes at times I get so bad I think I’ll slip back into old habits. But I have a very good reason not to now, and it’s the only thing keeping me going when I feel like I can’t. Everyone, if you listen to anything I say, please listen to this; find something. Find the one thing that will keep you going and hold onto it with every fibre of your being. Not only will that reason keep you moving but it will also keep you motivated and determined to do better – even if you don’t suffer and are just having a bad day. Just keep going. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and all that (Yeah, I’m not good at the whole inspirational thing, sorry).

Sorry for the deep post it’s just something I felt I needed to share. And like I said, I’m always here if anyone needs someone. Have a wonderful day everyone, keep smiling.

~FoxQueen

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5 thoughts on “In All Seriousness

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. Must be hard but a positive step forward in helping to deal with it. Sorry for long comment ahead…
    Regarding insomnia-it’s hard. I know this may sound boring or cliche but a good diet and exercise helps.
    Also now that you’re looking for a part time job it should help you get more of a work / life routine. Because night shifts are crap and don’t help anyone with insomnia!
    Regarding depression, also very real and does exist. Make sure you have someone to talk to. It sounds like you have a system that helps and works for you. Keep it going!
    Also, from the very little I’ve read in the past 3days it sounds like you have loving parents that are behind you. Cherish and hold on those positive relationships.
    Everyone has bad days, just remember that’s ok because you’re strong and you’ll make it through to enjoy some awesome days!
    Hope this makes some sort of sense and helps! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thankyou for commenting Zara; I am hoping to get into a much better routine as soon as I leave this awful job. As for my parents, they actually don’t know about my depression. Insomnia, yeah they’re fully aware of but they just don’t understand something like depression, so I’ve been dealing with that by myself. I know I’m better than I was and I refuse to go back to what I used to be. Yes you made a lot of sense and of course it helps! Thanks again! ~FoxQueen

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s cool. Must be a generation thing as mine don’t get it either! Hope you have good friend network to confide in, or even a GP, even blogging and getting your feelings out helps! (I know from experience).
    I really do wish you well πŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

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