Heartache

Hey everyone.

It’s 5:30am here and once again I can’t sleep. It’s my fault this time, I was talking to an old friend of mine from school a few hours ago and we got all nostalgic; decided it would be a great idea to find some old pictures and reminisce. How wrong we were.

Yes, at the start it was fun – finding silly photos of us at school and screenshots of conversations of us being stupid, it was a good laugh. Until it wasn’t. See, looking at old pictures is all well and good but it’s both a blessing and a curse. It helps remind you of memories that were long forgotten, good times with friends and family and all that, yeah. But at the same time you find pictures of those who you don’t want to remember. Of people who hurt you. Of times that you don’t want to recall. Screenshots of conversations you wish you never had.

My friend? Found pictures of her old best friend before they had a major falling out and no longer spoke to one another, as well as pictures of a dear relative of hers who has sadly passed away. She was in tears before she went to sleep tonight.

As for me, well… Not only did I also find pictures of a very close relative who has passed, but also pictures of people I once loved who betrayed me. Screenshots of conversations I had with people I cared about who ended up leaving, or fights I had with people. I no longer recall why I saved them in the first place but there they were. Some of the people in those photos I thought would always be by my side no matter what. And they all left. Even my first love, whom was my best friend long before and after we got together; he walked out of my life a few nights ago, saying things that hurt me quite badly. I don’t want to remember him. At all. Because stuff like that hurts too much. And that doesn’t just apply to him, it’s all of them. Every single one of the people in those pictures or videos or screenshots is no longer here, in one way or another, and it’s hard for me to think about them.

As happy as I am that I did find a couple of good memories hidden in the masses of bad ones, the heartache I am currently experiencing is far from worth it. Some treasured photos I thought I had lost for good were found, finally, however that was the only good thing to come from this.

I hope everyone else had a much better night than I.

~FoxQueen

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